All the World's a Stage

Anna and I spent our first two days together in the famous bizarre, Khan Al-Khalili, tackling her massive shopping list. In Egypt, you can haggle over anything. In fact, haggling is a true art form, one that I take great pride in practicing. There is a definite sequence of events that a seasoned shopper must recognize and respect in order to earn the most bang for her buck (or ginay, as the case may be). To attract attention to their stands, the shopkeepers make inane comments such as, "Come look at dees..I have jus dee camel for you." Or, when shopping with an Asian, "con chi chi wa gah." Often, they pretend to be stricken by a potential customer's beauty (whether she actually has any or not is of minimal importance). In such cases, the following remarks are offered as a greeting: "Ya Salaam!" (Oh Wow!); "Ya Aasal "( Hey Honey); or "Ya Mousa (which sounds very much like the Arabic word for banana. I spent the first few weeks here in utter confusion, as a banana is the fruit which I resemble the least. Fortunately, my friend informed me that this greeting means "Hey Hottie").

Now, after a potential purchase has been spotted, one must inquire as to the price. When the exorbitant price is given (as it will certainly be), one must 'tut, tut' with the tongue and shake the head like a native. My favorite line in response to being quoted a tourist's price is, "What, do you think I'm a foreigner?" This usually earns me an apology and better price. Yet, there are occasional skeptics. In such cases, I conjure up a light mist in my eyes and explain that my father is Egyptian but my mother is American and wanted to rear her children in the Land of Opportunity, thus I was long deprived of claiming my native land of Egypt. After years of waiting and wanting, I have finally returned home and the least, the very least, he could do is treat me like a sister.

Now the real haggling can begin. Here there are several potential strategies. If the seller is not nice to begin with or is still trying to rip me off, I may act angry and walk away muttering about the lack of justice in the world. The preferred method, however, is to the make the seller laugh. A good sense of humour-having 'light blood'- is of immense value. There is also occasional flirting, but only in dire situations. In any case, each transaction is very much a performance, as one seller noted after a particularly laborious deal. Following an hour of price whittling, walking away, tongue-clicking and feigned indignation, we had agreed on a price for Anna's six scarves. Once the money and goods had been exchanged, our demeanor instantly changed, for the handing of the bill is the final curtain call. The masks come off, rival turns to friend, the talk about weather or politics can resume, and a cup of tea is usually offered. This particular seller even took a bow and congratulated me on a great performance. Anna, meanwhile, went home with my Oscar.